I considered myself fairly self-aware and confident growing up. However, after I graduated from college, I realized I was dealing with imposter syndrome and was pretty depressed. Most of my life was spent doing and living the way I thought people assumed I should. Meanwhile, I was secretly doubting it all. Then, one day I picked up a bright yellow book called “You Are A Badass, How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” in Barnes & Noble. I thought to myself this is exactly what I want to work on. Next, I looked at the price of the book and questioned if this book was really going to do anything. I said to myself “it’s probably boring.” Then I read a couple of pages, got hooked, and raced to the checkout line. 

That one self-help book led to several other books, videos, webinars, starting my blog, multiple businesses, and hosting networking events. You never know where your personal development journey will take you. However, for some, it doesn’t go so well in the beginning. Here are three reasons why:

1. You’re passively learning but not applying your knowledge

Some people will read a book, skip over the journaling exercises, and expect to be “fixed.” Knowledge without application is knowing better but not choosing to do better. Therefore if you find yourself investing in personal development but performing the same habits you don’t like, then it’s time to do things differently. Two crucial ways to apply what you learn is by taking notes and brainstorming ways to implement your new knowledge into your life. Also, revisiting books as much as you need helps.

I’ve read books twice to make sure I’d learned the principles enough to be able to apply them. Remember being uncomfortable leads to the best breakthroughs in your life. When you’re too comfortable with where you are in life, you won’t seek change. No one likes feeling uncomfortable, but it’s a major part of improving your performance, creativity, and learning.

2. You expect results super quick 

Your personal development journey is a journey. Not a destination, be patient. I’ve read countless books on confidence and overcoming self-doubt. I picked up the book that started my personal development because of self-doubt. Yet, my doubt hasn’t magically disappeared. And it won’t ever disappear. Although, I have gotten much better at dealing with it and don’t allow it to stop me from doing scary things. One of my favorite mantras is “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Many people approach their personal development journey or even therapy thinking they will one day be “fixed” or feel “perfect.” That’s never going to happen and honestly, that would be really boring. Your flaws are what make you unique and they are some of the most relatable parts of you. 

Stop seeking fast results and start opening your mind. Invest in educating yourself on how to live a more fulfilling life. You will greatly improve over time. When I started opening myself to things and embracing all that I was learning, I attracted new opportunities. One of the biggest changes was my mindset. My ability to reframe my negative thoughts is a lifesaver. So, stop chasing a destination and instead be grateful for the long beautiful journey. 

3. You believe personal development is all about you 

The purpose of personal development is about what you can contribute to society. Personal development begins with improving yourself. Once you’ve learned life-changing aspects about yourself and how to become better, naturally you’ll want to share that with people you care about. As you become the best version of yourself through constant improvement, you will make a positive impact on others.

As you start to do things you’d never imagined you would, you’ll inspire others to do the same. That’s where the best contributions to society and innovations flourish. Everyone just needs that one encouraging person in their life to live to their full potential. When you’re investing in your personal development, remember that your life is bigger than you. You are meant to serve. If you actively work on yourself, imagine how your success will affect generations to come. 

I’m counting on you! If you’ve given up on your personal development journey, I encourage you to start again with a new abundant mindset.

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1. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

This book has helped me tremendously with seeing my value! I’ve accepted that my battle with self-doubt will be a lifetime one but there are ways to remind yourself of your greatness. This can include having self-mantras, keeping a log of nice things people have said, keeping a list of your accomplishments, or a playlist of videos that makes you feel powerful. In this book, best-selling author and success coach Jen Sincero, explains her journey with overcoming self-doubt in a humorous and simple way. After reading this book, you’ll walk away with greatly improved confidence and basking in your brilliance. Because you are brilliant, I know it and deep down you know it too.

2. More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say) by Elaine Welteroth

Reading this book made me feel like I was reading a story about myself. I can relate to Elaine’s story so much! Elaine managed to become the Editor-in-Chief of Teen Vogue by age 30, yet throughout it all she struggled with feeling like she was enough. In her book, she discusses her journey. She unpacks profound lessons on race, identity, power, ambition, love and finding her voice. After reading this you’ll feel ready to face fear and persevere towards your goals.

3. Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life by Gary John Bishop

If you couldn’t tell by the title, this book is for action takers! This book is the harsh truth you don’t want to hear but need to. Best-selling author and life coach Gary Bishop show you exactly how to silence that lying inner critic and strive for something better. Except a lot of curse words and advice on how to get unstuck. This book will remind you that all the answers you seek are already within you, you just have to extract them.

4. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson

Blogger and author Mark Manson believes that life’s struggles give it meaning, and that the mindless positivity of typical self-help books is neither practical nor helpful. His unconventional approach to self-help is what made me want to read this book. Mark believes that our ability to turn lemons into lemonade is not what improves our lives. Instead he argues that we need to get better at stomaching lemons. Meaning just reframing your thoughts to be more positive won’t do the trick but learning to become better at dealing with adversity will be life changing. After reading this book, you’ll feel more comfortable confronting your painful truths and moving forward.

5. Disrupt-Her: A Manifesto for the Modern Woman by Miki Agrawal

I posted a review of this book on Instagram that led me to meet the author, who is an entrepreneur I admire. Don’t believe me, click here for proof. I love Miki’s perspective on creatively disrupting an industry and I was enlightened by her way of thinking. As the creator of innovative companies like Thinx and hellotushy, she knows a thing or two about how to identify what’s no longer serving us and create new things that will. This book is perfect for women seeking to radically question the status quo. After reading this, you’ll start questioning a lot of things in your life and start to seek better.

6. Year Of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhime

Can you imagine pushing yourself to say yes to all the opportunities that come your way for an entire year? As someone who loves social experiments like this, I certainly am up for the challenge.  Shonda Rhimes, the creator of Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal and executive producer of How to Get Away with Murder reveals an intimate perspective into her life and how saying yes for a chance altered her life. After reading this book, you’ll feel compelled to say yes to more “scary” opportunities. This book made me reevaluate times where I said no because of fear. After reading this I chose to say yes more often. Like to a new job, to starting my blog, and to hosting my own networking events.

7. The ONE Thing by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan

This book was challenging for me to read. As a multi-passionate and multi-talented person, I struggle with picking one thing to focus on. If you struggle with that as well, I see you and I know how you feel. This book will be a game changer for you. Real estate moguls Gary and Jay discuss how focusing on one thing helped them cut through the clutter, achieve better results in less time, lower stress, overcome that overwhelmed feeling and stay on track. After reading this book, you’ll understand why focusing on your one thing will enhance your overall well-being including your work, personal, family and spiritual aspects of your life.

8. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck

Carol is one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of personality, social psychology and developmental psychology. This book will help you understand how your brain works, how certain moments in your life have defined how you view certain things and how you can develop a growth mindset, despite any adversity that you’ve been through.  If you’re not into reading books that reference research findings, you may not enjoy this one. I love reading about scientific findings and how it affects our behavior, that’s probably why I work in the marketing field. After reading this book, you’ll have a better understanding of the difference between a fixed and growth mindset and how you can acquire a growth mindset in all aspects of your life. It’s not our abilities or talents that lead us to success but rather our mindset. If more people understand the power of their mind, the world would be a MUCH better place.

9. Best Self: Be You, Only Better by Mike Bayer

I’m starting to realize that I really love books written by life coaches. This one is full of tangible advice! Not only does Mike teach you about how to improve various aspects of your life but he provides activities to drill the principles into your head. I promise if you actually do the exercises (I had to push myself to do them) you’ll become more self-aware than you’ve ever been. You’ll start to understand your habits and figure out how to live authentically. He discusses each of the spheres of your life including your social life, personal life, health, education, relationships, employment and spiritual development.

10. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown

Brené Brown is my spirit animal. Reading her books is what taught me the importance of being vulnerable and how to reframe shame and choose courage instead.  She explains throughout the book that every time we are introduced to someone new, try to be creative, or start a difficult conversation, we take a risk. We feel uncertain and exposed. We feel vulnerable. Most of us try to fight those feelings because we strive to appear perfect. When there is no perfect person or perfect time and waiting for things to feel perfect will only damage our life experiences. She discusses why numbing your sadness also numbs your joy and how to embrace all of your emotions. This is a must read, you won’t perceive your emotions in the same way after reading this book. I’m so grateful to have read this early on in my personal development journey.

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Realizing that your mindset and judgments of yourself might be the only thing standing in your way is a tough realization. Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts that creep up on all of us. 70% of people deal with imposter syndrome. While this is a normal occurrence, too much time thinking negatively about yourself rewires your subconscious mind to believe you aren’t good enough.

Here are seven ways to stop feeling like a fraud and embrace your greatness instead.

1. Develop a new response to “failure” and mistake making

In the past two days, I’ve had two people tell me they don’t believe in failure. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think the universe is showing me growth is my only option. In all instances, I am learning and continuing to get better. If I keep pushing, I haven’t failed. I’ve only discovered what not to do moving forward. If I succeed, I’ve learned what to do next time. Beating yourself up for being human and blowing the big project will only hinder your productivity. Like professional athletes do, it’s vital to take the L (lesson not loss) and move on. I’m actively practicing reframing my thoughts to believe challenges are positive because they indicate growth.

2. Discover your personal voice 

There’s only one you. It’s a cliche but it’s true. Only you can respond and contribute your thoughts and perspectives. No matter how uncool or not smart you feel, your opinions always matter. Some methods I’ve used to discover my voice is spending time reflecting on myself, going to therapy, and speaking up instead of overthinking. Have you ever thought about how many companies, motivational speakers, or influencers discuss the same exact topics, yet we receive them differently? Each one has their own community that follows them. We can hear the same message over and over, but hear it from the right person and have it finally connect. Your voice could be the breakthrough inspiration someone needs but you’re letting fear stop you from sharing.

3. Identify your unique gifts & talents

Remind yourself of all the hard work you’ve put in to get to the position you are in now. Congratulate yourself on how far you’ve come. Take a moment to recognize where you are today and the progress you’ve made so far. Remember that the only story you can control is your own. When you begin to focus on your strengths and areas for improvement, instead of dwelling on your weaknesses, life feels lighter and more abundant. We all have a special gift that only we can provide to the world

4. Question your negative thoughts 

Limiting beliefs will affect your productivity if you are constantly questioning your capabilities. If you tell yourself, “I can’t write a blog post, I’ve never done it before” – you are already putting doubt into an action that you haven’t even attempted yet. Everyone was once a beginner. Even Apple and Coca-Cola were once startups. Do not compare your chapter 1 to someone’s chapter 35. Better yet, never envy anyone because you never actually know what’s happening in someone’s life behind closed doors. Be compassionate with yourself. When you feel down, listen to your favorite motivational speaker, vent to your most positive friend, write 10 things you’re grateful for. These are a couple of examples that remind me of how powerful and spectacular I am. Find activities that work for you and make them a ritual.

5. Separate feelings and facts

Have you ever felt like someone is judging you or dislikes you, but you have no facts to prove it? I’ve had so many moments where I swear someone didn’t like me or was judging me. However when someone asked me all my reasons why they were all speculation. Most of our problems are literally made up in our heads. I remember one specific session with my therapist where I was describing a situation where I felt less than. I didn’t feel heard or acknowledged at work. She asked me how I knew people weren’t listening to me, so I answered because I swore I had all the receipts. Only to realize after we dug deeper most of my reasons were assumptions without any facts.

6. Recognize when you feel like an imposter

If you’re the only or one of the few women, women of color, or people of color in your workplace, it’s only natural you sometimes feel like you don’t totally fit in. Society has often made us feel less than or second to white men. Refrain from thinking you’re “the diversity hire”, “the (insert your ethnicity) opinion” or “naturally less qualified.” Those are all myths! Instead of taking your self-doubt as a sign of your inadequateness, recognize that it might be a normal response to being an outsider. I commend myself every day for choosing to push past uncomfortable situations and choose to be my authentic self, despite it going against popular opinion. It is no easy task and you will be misunderstood more time than you like. However, you have to recognize when you feel like an imposter and chose confidence instead.

7.  Develop a better mindset

Your script is the automatic mental voice that starts playing in situations that trigger your impostor feelings. When you start a new job or project instead of thinking, “Wait till they find out I have no idea what I’m doing,” try thinking, “Everyone who starts something new feels unsure in the beginning. I may not know all the answers but I’m smart enough to find them out.” I was the first person I knew to work at an advertising firm, I started a blog, coaching, and e-commerce business without ever doing it before. My boyfriend and I have hosted three networking events with no prior experience hosting a networking event. Everything can be figured out and executed with the correct mindset.

 Shirt from Vanilla Sky. Jeans from American Eagle. Shoes from DSW. Pictured at Dojo House.

The only way to stop feeling like an impostor is to stop thinking like an impostor.

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