In honor of a year living with my boyfriend Hansome (yes, that’s his real name), I decided to do a blog post about things you should know before moving in with bae. I’ve learned a lot in the past year that many of you could find useful.
Hansome’s been the best roommate I’ve ever had. If you’re on the fence about moving in with bae, I hope this post helps aid your decision. You’ll probably never feel 100% sure about your decision to move in together but I assure you that if you and your partner are willing to make it work, it’ll be worth it for your relationship and your finances.
Plus, if you live in NYC, splitting the cost for a one bedroom is the perfect way to save money. The decision to move in together wasn’t difficult for us since we discussed it numerous times. Our biggest concerns were agreeing on a move in date, finding an apartment and signing our first contractual agreement as a couple. Here’s what you really need to know about moving in with bae.
1. You will have uncomfortable conversations about money
For many couples, this may be the first time you discuss your income, savings, and debt. Make sure to set monetary boundaries, discuss bills, and financial contributions before you sign any paperwork! Also, ensure that you’re both not codependent on each other. Meaning if worst comes to worst and the relationship doesn’t last, you should have a plan in place to make sure you’d be okay financially on your own.
2. They will have weird habits
It’s vital to remember that your significant other was not raised exactly the way you were. They may dislike dishes in the sink overnight, insist on washing their towel everyday, or have a habit of leaving the toothpaste cap off in the morning etc. And you will also have habits that are odd to them. No matter how much you have in common, I guarantee you both learned different things about cooking, cleaning, decor, etc. Hansome and I argued more our first month living together than we did our entire relationship prior. This happened mainly because we were both stubborn about doing things our way. Once we sat down and discussed how we could compromise and split responsibilities, things became much smoother.
3. You’ll spend more time together than you’re used too
When you first move in together, you’ll want to spend every waking moment next to each other. However, as time goes on and you crave alone time to decompress, it will be harder than before to do so. At first you may feel uncomfortable asking for some space. But it’s completely normal to desire alone time and a supportive partner will respect that. Communicate how you’re feeling and never make assumptions. I know it’s hard to believe but your partner is not a mind reader.
4. You now have someone else to consider when making decisions
Yes, you can still live your life as the carefree millennial you are. However, be considerate of your partner’s feelings. Remember to make enough food for two people, ask them if they’d like something when you grab take out, see if they need anything ironed or washed when you’re doing laundry. You love this person and little gestures like these express it.
5. You will get to know each other on a deeper level
While living together, Hansome and I discovered that we show and seek love shown in different ways. Thank goodness for the book and online quiz The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts which helped us discover our love languages. My dominant love language is words of affirmation, meaning I enjoy when he compliments me and show his love verbally. While Hansome loves when I rub his back or give him a hug because his dominant love language is physical touch.
You will have way more deep conversations then you’ve ever had and it will help you to connect with your partner on deeper levels than ever before. Also, when you’re spending time together, aim to be on your phone as little as possible. No one enjoys talking to someone who’s looking down at their phone the entire conversation.
6. You’ll see them at their absolute worst but also at their absolute best
Living together often means you may take out your frustrations from the day on each other by mistake. It happens to all of us. Let them vent but also check them when they’re pushing your buttons. Most of the time how they’re acting has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with something frustrating that happened to them throughout the day. Take time each day to connect and to discuss your wins and loses with your partner. They’re also the well needed reminder of positivity and light in your life.
7. Respect each other
Get used to sharing everything but make sure to communicate first. Unlike living with a roommate, your significant other will eat your food, use your brush, move your stuff, etc. They will also make up the bed when you’re in a rush, make you meals, take the trash out and give you pep talks whenever needed. Be considerate of their schedule! Don’t disturb their sleep or demand to hang out without asking what they’re plans are for the day. Effective communication and gratitude for your partner will make cohabitation a marvelous experience. After a long day, the highlight will always be heading home to see bae.