Beyonce wasn’t built in a day. It takes years of repetition, consistency, and persistence to reach your maximum potential. Getting comfortable in your own skin consists of being self aware and accepting all parts of you. Accepting your flaws is often more difficult then it seems. But it is achievable. Always make yourself a priority. We cannot operate from an empty vessel. No matter how selfish society makes this ideal seem, it’s vital to be your number one. Stop laboring yourself emotionally by exerting your energy to satisfy other peoples feelings and expectations. It’s draining and useless. Allow yourself to grow as what you want to be, instead of what you think you have to be! You were who you were, leave that in the past. You can be who you choose by unlearning negative habits. Unlearning old habits is like stripping away paint. As most painters would say, removing the paint is about 70% of the work, while repainting takes about 30% of the work.
Many people live up to an image that they believe society has destined for them. Some people live their whole lives holding their breath because they are scared to exhale. Challenge the stories you tell yourself, let go of old knowledge, and question your assumptions. Let your true self out. How can you discover and build your brand if you don’t express yourself? This process will come with trial and error and a whole lot of SELF DOUBT. I don’t go a day without feeling self doubt and I hate it! However I’ve gotten much better at changing my thoughts when the negative, over analytical thoughts arise, but it’s something I deal with on a daily basis. As one of few women of color at my job, I often feel displaced. I remind myself daily to be comfortable and true to myself. I remind myself that I’m never in a room in which I don’t belong.
The more comfortable you get with yourself the more confident and invincible you become. I aspire to get to a point where I’m so comfortable with myself that I stop comparing my progress to others. If someone is better than you at something, than it’s likely because they have failed at such thing more than you have. If someone is worse at something than you, its likely because they haven’t been through all of the hardships that you have. You have to remain humble throughout life. No one is omniscient, there’s so many things to learn and experience but we have to be open to these experiences instead of fearful of them. We have to remain focused on our lane! As one of my favorite authors, Brene Brown always says “We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” Building a relationship with yourself will take time and effort. Becoming more comfortable in your own skin will take patience and attentiveness. You have to work on understanding why you do the things you do. You have to reassure yourself constantly because you will make mistakes, and most likely feel inadequate after. You must practice being your number one supporter and confidant. Scientists say it takes 66 days to form a habit, here’s some steps to practice for the next 66 days:
- Spend a minimum of 20 minutes a day working on yourself. This can be spent reflecting on your actions or maybe answering some personal questions such as:
- What’s your long term plan?
- What are you doing everyday to get closer to such plan?
- Who are you? How do do you feel about yourself?
- What do you expect from life?
- If you could be the person of your dreams, describe how you would be?
2. Take a personality test. Such as the Myers-Briggs test to better understand yourself: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
3. Keep a gratitude journal. In this journal, write a list of what you are grateful for each day.
4. Write positive encouraging notes to yourself. You can paste them on the wall or wherever you will see them everyday. At 10 years old, Steve Harvey wrote on a piece of paper that he wanted to be on TV and look at him now.
5. Keep a brag book full of things you love about yourself and your biggest accomplishments. I reference my brag book whenever I feel down. Sometimes when we’re down we forget that we’ve been through tough situations and prevailed.
Best of luck!
Sade