Feel Like Lashing Out? Do This Instead

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”]We’ve all been yelled at, cried our eyes out when a significant other or loved one disappointed us, felt defeated after making a mistake at work, lashed out at someone who didn’t deserve it, or side eyed that person who accidentally shoved us on the street. Well… if you live in NYC like me that last one is totally justified and reasonable! But my point here is that, it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to release emotions but it’s more beneficial to your emotional state and intelligence to do so constructively and with purpose.

I believe that being emotionally intelligent can literally solve all your problems in life. But actually, it really can! I took an assessment as well as training at my job on emotional intelligence and learned a multitude. According to Psychology Today, “Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one’s own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.”Research suggests that EI is responsible for as much as 80 percent of the “success” in our lives.

What I learned about becoming more emotionally intelligent has drastically changed my life, made me more empathetic and has made me the most resilient I’ve ever been. What really can divide people, make us lash out uncontrollable, curse at inanimate objects, or do destructive things is all a lack of emotional control.

The most broken I’ve ever felt was after me and my ex-boyfriend broke up. I was emotionally in shambles and honestly uninterested in life and didn’t see a way to move forward. So dramatic right! Believe me I know. But when I was going through it, it felt so true. During this time, I also lost someone I really cared about, my role model, my confidant, the woman who motivated me behind words, helped raise me and guided me to all the success I accomplished in my young life. Let’s just say it was an extremely difficult year. I really thought I wouldn’t find a way to ever feel emotionally stable again. I was a mess. Like randomly cry in public mess. But I found a light at the end of the tunnel. Every person no matter if they are good or bad, comes in your life to teach you a lesson. During this time, I discovered self-help books, Ted talks, new friends, and all these inspirational social media platforms. As well I engaged in an emotional intelligence training that opened my eyes to a whole new way to approach challenges in life.

A lot of what we learn about emotional control comes from the environment in which we grew up. Many people are not taught how to control their emotions and therefore have trouble identifying how they feel and have difficulty expressing it. When they do express it, it’s often not in a constructive manner. Now I am not an emotional intelligent guru yet (disclaimer because I’m working on getting there) but I have learned some things about how to take a step back when overwhelmed with emotion, and discovered methods to evaluate my feelings before allowing myself to react.

Here are five tips I’ve learned and have put into practice:

• Don’t take everything personally.

Accept that you do not have control over every situation and let things unfold as they are supposed too. The only person you can control is you. So next time that jerk at work says they thought your idea was horrible, don’t take that comment personally. Thank them for sharing their opinion and move on! You are not a horrible person, you are brilliant and you took a risk presenting your idea. Be proud of yourself for being vulnerable and speaking up, then revise and ameliorate your idea because you know you’re a boss and your ideas are worth sharing! The only people who can hurt your feelings are the ones who you allow to do so.

• Get to know yourself

This is VITAL. Understanding yourself, including knowing your habits and patterns will help you when interacting with others. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself so take care of you. Invest in yourself; seek mentors, books, and other resources to accomplish your goals. Without self-knowledge you cannot have self-acceptance. Without self-acceptance, you cannot have self-love. 

• Channel your frustration into an activity

In moments of pressure, remain calm and composed. Later, release you anger through a hobby that helps you relax and reflect. For me, its journaling, listening to my favorite playlist on Spotify, reading, exercising, or meaningful conversations with loved ones.

• Gather your thoughts before expressing your emotions

Meditate, lie down, have a glass of wine, sit in a quiet room and think. Let out the ugly cry, scream if you need too and just release the emotion you’re feeling. Then gather yourself, think about your situations from different perspectives, look for the positive in all this, and find ways to be proactive about the situation, afterward react. Meaning schedule that talk with your significant other, boss, friend, family, or who ever when you’re better equipped to handle the situation.

• Approach all situations with empathy.

Feel everything! Let yourself feel whatever it is you are going through. Understand the attitude, thoughts and feelings of yourself and others. Don’t just push people away if they do something you don’t agree with, communicate instead! No one is a mind reader!

And lastly one of my favorite quotes to live by, “If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” -Daniel Goleman

Peace & love,

-Sosh[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]