Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds. It Hides Them

When this quote notification popped up on my phone, I read it and immediately disagreed. I thought of course time heals all wounds. With any hardships that I’ve endured, in time it got easier to deal with it. And that’s when it dawned on me that this quote was brilliant. Many of us often (like I initially did) confuse feeling better after some time has passed with healing. Physical wounds do indeed heal in time. But thats not what I’m discussing. I’m talking about emotional wounds, the wounds people don’t always want to talk about due to the fear of vulnerability, rejection, and not being understood. In order to conquer emotional wounds, we have to acknowledge the pain and determine a method for getting past it. Healing is a process where one has to be actively seeking solutions to their issues.

I don’t think anyone should celebrate trauma but we should be grateful for these experiences. These hardships are what make us all unique. How we choose to cope and deal with the situations we are put through is what makes or breaks us. Adversity teaches us a lot about ourselves and how to process our emotions. Like 50 Cent once said “Sunny days wouldn’t be so special if it wasn’t for rain. Joy wouldn’t feel so good if it wasn’t for pain.” Tough situations may seem easier when you’ve been through worst, time alone won’t magically make things better. It’s vital to seek the solutions and the processing time that you need.

The heart knows no time. Each of us process and get past emotional trauma on our own time. I firmly believe that there are no emotional wounds that we cannot overcome as long as we seek the help that we need. Just like we can feel love for a friend or family member we haven’t seen in years or how we can feel heartache when we are put in a situation that reminds us of a past breakup, our emotional connections don’t have an end date, unless we actively move forward and stop the connection from hindering our future endeavors. It used to drive me crazy when I would hear a song that reminded me of an ex-boyfriend or an old friend I no longer speak too. But now I’ve found ways to cherish what I had and make new memories without feeling sad about the loss of that particular emotional connection.

An issue that is particularly difficult for me to deal with is loss. I’ve always struggled with dealing with death. I’ve internalized it as something that will happen to all of us but when it happened to someone I cared about the pain was unbearable at first. So unbearable that when I lost my aunt in 2014, I grew numb for months. But a series of eye opening events motivated me to deal with my grief. I’ve learned to coexist and deal with parts of myself that still hurts instead of pretending to be “good.” Everyone is dealing with their own issues all the time. Despite how great peoples lives seem on social media, remind yourself that it’s healthy to deal with emotional pain on a regular bias. Seek ways to embrace your wounds and your uniqueness without putting a time restraint on them.

As always, I’ll leave you with a couple tips on dealing with your wounds.

1. Seek support. Find someone you can truly open up with and do so on a consistent bias.
2. Let go of what you can’t control.  Stop holding people responsible for making you unhappy cause at the end of the day you are allowing them to make you feel that way. It’s like the classic story when people hold their ex significant other responsible for making them miserable. You can’t make them fix everything, but you can chose to heal your own heart.
3. Honor your emotional wounds and your personal journey.
4. Say your emotions out loud or write them down, and then transform that feeling into something you’re grateful for. For instance, “I’m feeling uncomfortable. That’s fine. I’m so grateful for this experience because ________.
5. Find the best methods to cope. Be patient during this journey and use your new found power to move forward fiercely.

Prioritizing what you care about and what you need to let go will help you become resilient, happy, and feel free. Don’t let distractions shield you from your emotional wounds. If you’re feeling brave, comment below an issue that you are going to actively heal within your self. You’d be surprised how many people are dealing with the same issues as you and what methods have helped them.

Embrace the journey,

Sade