If You’re Not Outside Your Comfort Zone, You Won’t Learn Anything
I couldn’t get myself out of bed on Sunday so I thought what productive thing can I do besides scroll through Instagram or watch shows on my computer…so I cracked open my current read: The Tools: 5 Tools to Help You Find Courage, Creativity, and Willpower–and Inspire You to Live Life in Forward Motion. This book pushes me out of my comfort zone to the point that I avoid reading it sometimes or I even close it when it becomes to much because just by reading the words I feel the author pushing me to a point that feels uncomfortable.
That morning I read this: “Most wrongs that people commit cause no lasting damage; if you were to let go of the initial hurt, you could go on with life immediately. A classic example is the adult who still blames her parent for wrecking her life.” When I say I had to read that entire paragraph three times to comprehend that line, I really mean it. That sentence made me feel very uncomfortable with myself. It was such a simple line yet so profound. So many of us, myself included before reading this, believe that our upbringing has made us the way we are.
In a sense, yes it has contributed to what we have become but majority of it has to do with our personal perception and choices. For instance, many people blame their mommy or daddy issues as the sole reason why they have been in so many failed relationships or why they went down a dark path. Growing up with the “perfect” family dynamics doesn’t guarantee that you will have successful healthy relationships with people, yet for some reason people believe it does. Ultimately, you really have no reason to blame external factors majority of the time. Remember “He who angers you, controls you.” You control your mind and actions.
If you don’t like something you’re doing, do your research and use your resources to get yourself out of that predicament. Don’t over complicate it; work at it and practice as you would for a test or an important meeting. It’s a classic human behavior to blame the next person because you don’t want to be attached to a mistake. I see people do this all the time and its something I also partake in unconsciously. That’s one thing I’m working on myself, accepting mistakes and not feeling like a failure because I made one. I’m a recovering perfectionist (hahaha) so it’s a journey for sure. Mistakes yield the best return because you learn and grow from them.
The worst thing for me in regards to realizing I shouldn’t place blame on other people was how uncomfortable it made me feel. And that’s when I realized the real issue was my apprehensiveness about feeling uncomfortable. I know how important it is to push yourself out of my comfort zone. It’s a vital component of growth and success. However that doesn’t make me want to do it. I dislike feeling uncomfortable as much as the next person. But in my experience every time I pushed myself, I benefited or learned from it and was elated afterwards.
Sometimes you feel so uncomfortable when doing something new that you think you are coming off awkward when in all actuality, it’s probably all just in your head. I’ve felt awkward and out of place a lot lately because I’ve been pushing myself into new spaces. Spaces where I don’t usually find myself. The major thing I’ve learned is when you take yourself out of zones you are used to being in, your world opens. If you hang around the same people over and over again you’re only really limiting yourself.
You learn things you didn’t know even existed in this world, let alone in your city when you step outside your norm. You find yourself laughing at jokes you don’t really get, getting into conversations where you’re more busy trying to understand what the person is even talking about then actually engaging in the conversation. These are the movements where you are learning and expanding your life experiences the most. So embrace them, don’t run from them.
To motivate you to start living in a more forward motion, I leave you with some of my personal tips for dealing with uncomfortable situations:
- Recognize uncomfortable feelings, acknowledge them but don’t give them power over you!
- Identify one thing you can do to feel more comfortable in an uncomfortable situation, like bringing along a friend, talking about a topic you’re an expert in, having a drink, taking deep breathes, giving yourself a pep talk (channel your inner Issa from Insecure) etc.
- Network, talk to strangers, say yes to that random invitation
- Say how you really feel, NOT what you think people want to hear
- Do bold things, show up and push forward EVERY TIME
-Sade